I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
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Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
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Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
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