I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
