Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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