Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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