The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
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