First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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