Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Randomize
