Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
