It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Randomize
