I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
