No awkward lesbian experiences without me
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
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