just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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