By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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