At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Randomize