i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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