after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
