mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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