the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
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