I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
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