fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Send help, water and tortillas.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
