i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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