My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
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Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
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He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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