Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
