PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
