Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
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