I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
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the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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