I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Randomize
