I'm lost and stupid without you.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
