Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize
