is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
