He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
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