i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
