oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
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