sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Randomize
