my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
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