I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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