i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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