we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Randomize
