you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
