hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Randomize