I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
