Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Randomize
