He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
