did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
