It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Randomize
