We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
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