Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
