before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Randomize
