ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
