You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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