it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
