the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
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