DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
