I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Randomize
