Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
