i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
