Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
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