lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Randomize
