...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
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