Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Randomize
