I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
