Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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