We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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