I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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