You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Randomize
