I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
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She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
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He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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