Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
