I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
