hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
